Stop Smoking

Mondays always suck. The phones are busier and people forget things. Woo hoo! Twice on Day Fifteen I had a strong urge to go have a cigarette. Two more times they popped into my head just out of habit; whenever I leave work on my lunch break and whenever I leave my apartment to go back to work, I would have a cigarette. I would, that is, when I was a smoker. I hadn’t been going back to the apt. for lunch since I was a smoker, so the notion of the habit was still there. I didn’t do anything about it, of course. I mean, we did break up.

Day Sixteen went really well. I didn’t have any urges and no habitual thoughts. Smokes did pop into my mind a couple times, but that was because I brushed against the patch or showed it to someone. I also thought about them after lunch. Not out of habit or craving, but out of my sense of pride that tomorrow will be two weeks with no cigarettes. Double Woo Hoo!

One of my coworkers started the patch today. I’m very proud of him. He’s a pretty heavy smoker and this is a big step. He seems like one of those people who genuinely enjoys cigarettes and would have no problem smoking them for the rest of his life. Like I said, I’m very proud of him. Now I will have someone to compare patch scars with.

Here’s a few of the interesting facts Committed Quitters provided me based on how much I smoked.

596: Dollars saved per year based on your previous daily cigarette consumption multiplied by the price per pack and by 365 days.

12: Days spent per year based on your previous daily cigarette consumption times 6 minutes per cigarette smoked.

Interesting stuff.

One of the suggestions on Committed Quitters is to write a break-up letter to Cigarettes. Since almost no one writes letters anymore, here is a hypothetical e-mail I would send to Cigarettes if they were web-saavy. Perhaps in the future, I’ll write letters to others, like cigarette companies, and thank them for being assholes, too.

Dear Cigarettes,

I write this letter with a heavy heart. I don’t think I’ve been completely honest with you and myself. For a long time we were really close, but now we’ve grown apart. We’ve been friends for the better part of seven years. We’ve gone through a lot together. You were there when I got to college. You were there for a lot of drunken nights. You were there when I graduated college. You missed the ceremony, but I forgave you for that. You were there on the way to Denver. I don’t think I would have stayed awake on the drive out there if it weren’t for you (and Tenacious D). We didn’t talk for a long time twice, but we quickly made up for lost time once we were reunited.

But now things have changed. I don’t think we’re right for each other. You smell bad, you make my eyes burn, and you’re just about as expensive as a girlfriend without any of the benefits. You’re needy and arrogant. You set a requirement very early on that I spend time with you first thing in the morning and last thing at night. You came around every couple hours throughout every single day, as well. You’re a big time hog and I’m sick of it.

You’re like a bad girlfriend: You don’t fit in with a lot of my friends. They hate you and talk about you behind your back. I know you don’t like them either. You’ve shown this time and time again by making their clothes stink and their lungs black. What a jerk you are. I could never take you home to my family, as they surely wouldn’t approve of your kind. My brother would probably never say anything about it, but I know he’s thinking the same thing as everyone else.

With all that being said, I’m leaving you. My future looks so much brighter without you. I’m going to breathe easier knowing that I don’t ever have to spend time with you again. Your cousin, Second-hand Smoke, might show up from time to time, but I can tolerate him on occasion. It’s you I really hate.

I may, on occasion, look back on our time together fondly. We’ve had some good times and I will always have those memories. But there’s no future for us. You probably noticed that I’ve been very distant for the last ten days or so. This letter should make the reasoning behind that very clear. We’re done.

Sincerely,

Tim

One week down, seven to go.

Monday and Tuesday are always rough. We’re so busy at work, catching up from the weekend and getting slammed on the phones. The stress level is always high, especially when a lot of people seem to completely forget how to do their jobs on Saturday and Sunday and ask a lot of questions trying to re-learn it all. It’s all part of the job, though. I understand that.

I also understand that stress is not an event, but a reaction to an event. I need to learn to deal with my reactions better while I’m in the process of quitting. Eventually I will get it all under control, but the stressful times always make me think of smoking. Someone brought in donuts for us and someone else brought cookies. I think I tried to deal with my stress by eating, because I had three cookies and a creme-filled stick around the height of the morning  busy period. Everything I’ve read has said that some weight-gain should be expected. Now I realize that it’s not a side-effect of not smoking, but trying to fill the void of smoking with food. Great. I’m fat.

A coworker returned from vacation on Thursday and asked how the non-smoking was going. I have my moments, but  overall, great, I said. He said that was too bad because he had just bought a fresh pack. Prick.

I played games with a couple guys on Friday. One of them is a smoker and the other quit cold-turkey a few months ago. He managed that fine. I heard him tell another coworker a few days ago that the patch is a waste of money. Maybe for him, but not for me. He and I had a chat about smoking while the smoker was outside. Just the basics about how things are going, why I’m quitting, etc. The board games were definitely a nice alternative to the bar. The same guy who quit smoking also quit drinking at more or less the same time. He seems to be really happy with his decision and is dealing with it by finding things to do that don’t surround him with alcohol and smoke. Mad props to him.

I put the patch on around 1:00 PM on Day Thirteen. That day, I decided to put it just above my right hip on my ever-increasing love handle. About five minutes afterwards, I got an intense pain in my bones all the way down my right leg. This was the same pain I felt in my left arm on Day One and again on various days afterwards. This one was much more intense than any of the others, though. I walked around the apartment and stretched a bit and it went away pretty quickly. I didn’t read anything about that kind of pain in the material at Committed Quitters and on the patch’s warnings. I will have to investigate whether or not others have experienced the same thing.

Day Fourteen has been a beautiful day. The lady and I had to go to the electronics store and took our time getting there. We drove along the river for a while with the windows down. It was amazing. It’s also amazing that I will now be able to enjoy being outside with the clean air just as it’s getting really nice outside. I can’t wait for Spring and Summer to get here. It’s going to be a great year.

I went to visit the lady back in her home town on Day Six. She was there recuperating and I figured she could use some company. Plus it got me mad style points with the fam.

We pretty much hung out Saturday, watched the tourney, and ate some great Chinese. Since it was St. Patty’s Day, we had to go out and get plastered. I wasn’t resisting, of course. The local bars around there are great: really worn in and everyone knows everyone else. I was the exclusion to that rule, but it felt like I knew everyone.

Her parents and siblings can hold their own when it comes to drinking. Not wanting to feel left out, I did my best to go 1-for-1 with her dad. Of course, that made for a fun evening. The bars back there look the other way when it comes to smoking. I would guess that 90% of the people in these bars are smokers, so the smoke-to-air ratio was much worse than anything I’ve seen in a really long time. Probably because of this, I didn’t feel like smoking at all. I had the patch on, of course, and I think just knowing that fact helped a lot.

I had a great moment in the bar, too. I was shooting darts with the lady’s dad, uncle, and aunt. The game was Cricket. All of the numbers were filled and her dad and I were down by 13 points or so. The other team had two bulls and we only had one. I stepped up to the line and hit the first bull. Cool, I thought. I threw the second dart. Another bull. I just closed out our bulls on two consecutive throws. Impossible, right? I threw the third dart and it completed an equilateral triangle inside the green bullseye. I couldn’t believe it. It was one of those moments where you realize that you should just quit whatever activity you were just doing and hang it up for good. I can never top that. Never. I shouldn’t even try. But I am sure I will, since I like playing darts a lot.

Anyways, the next morning, I felt like I had smoked an entire pack. It was awful. My nose was stuffed, my throat was raw, and my lungs ached. No hangover, though, so that was nice. We hung out for a while and once we figured out that her rents weren’t going to be getting up anytime soon, we decided to go out to a local Italian restaurant for some lunch. The food was great and helped get rid of the nasty smoke taste lingering in my mouth. After that, we took a drive around the lake and she pointed out a bunch of places from her childhood. It was a great smoke-free time.

Such stress-free days like these really help me forget about smoking. I don’t think I really had any desire to smoke the entire weekend. Being around the lady helps a lot. Like I’ve said before, she’s never nagged me about smoking and always has a word of encouragement when I’m feeling weak. She’s awesome and it an incredible help in my journey to be smoke-free.

Today was much better than yesterday. The stress level was very high, but hours 24-48 were by far the worst. I don’t know why, but it was. I could be caused by the placement of the patch, but I’m not sure. I put the patch on my left pectoral (what’s left of it) and it seemed to work well. I had to shave a spot on my chest where the patch went, which will be a common occurance for the next 7 weeks. I think the arms and chest are the prime locations for the patch. The shoulder is definitely not.

Day five was filled with stress, as several people were absent from the workplace. Top that with an afternoon full of meetings, and it’s a smoker’s haven. Fortunately, I refrained from the habit and stayed strong. The temptation was there, though.

After work, I talked to the lady and then took a nap til 9:00. Then it was off to the bar. I left there at 1:oo AM and went to a different bar, which allows smoking. The roommate offered one, but I had no desire to smoke anything. I was very proud of myself. I’m the man.

Day 4 was rough. I spent the whole day wanting to smoke. I hit the 24 hour mark, which is a feat in itself. And I needed one bad. More than half of our Helpdesk was not in this morning so we were really busy. I was really stressing out about it after the boss came and made some comments. I didn’t have any coffee, either. Recap: No smokes, no caffeine, high stress. That’s not good.

I managed to stay strong and tough it out. I placed the patch on the left side of my abdomen, just above my hip. I don’t think that’s a good place for it, in retrospect. The arms are the place they should go. I am going to have to shave both of my arms by the time this is all done. Oh, well. It will just make me faster walking through the office.

After work, we went to the bar, which never helps. I was really needing one when I was there by myself, but once the other guys arrived, it was much better.

The lady was over last night for a bit. Right as she was leaving, the thought popped into my head that I would get to have a smoke after she left. Then I remembered that I quit. Duh. That idea would always pop into my head right before she left. I never smoked around her, but she’s aware of the situation. She’s never said anything about it, but she’s willing to support me in my effort to quit. It’s very helpful and greatly appreciated.

I signed up for Committed Quitters during lunch. I received my personal quitting plan late in the day and I will update tomorrow with what it says.

I left the patch on last night and did not have any nightmares like I did the first night. I am guessing this is because I had still been smoking on the first couple days, so I may have had an abnormal amount of nicotine in my body. I guess I will continue testing this out.

As a final note, several coworkers seemed impressed that I was quitting using the patch. One of them was pretty inquisitive and hopefully he’ll quit soon too.

My pack was down to two cigarettes the morning of Day 3. I usually have one around 10:00 AM with a coworker, so I saved them for that break, rather than smoking on the way to/before work. This is also going to help remind me that I shouldn’t smoke in my car.

I won’t be smoking in the car anymore, because that cigarette at my 10:00 AM break was my last. Yeah, that’s right. My last. I don’t even feel like smoking anymore. After that break, I felt like complete garbage. Since the pack was empty, I pitched it and smothered the butt in the ashtray outside knowing that I would never put one of those out again. It felt great.

Of course, I know this isn’t the end. I’ve still got a long way to go now that I am addicted to the patch. I’m supposed to take six weeks to get through Step 2 (my Step 1) of Nicoderm CQ, but I might cut that to four and then spend the regular two weeks on Step 3. We’ll see, though. It’s expensive, but not nearly as expensive as smoking for the next 30-50 years. It will definitely be worth it.

I was jonesing for a cigarette towards the end of the day. The craving didn’t last long. It would just pop into my head and then go away after a minute. I was watching The Sopranos and just about everyone on that show smokes, which was rough. I also had a beer, which makes me want to smoke, too. I didn’t though, and I’m very happy about that.

I still haven’t signed up at Committed Quitters. I really gotta do that tomorrow.

Two days down, ? to go. Day 2 was a really good day. The weather was incredible for this time of year (though, it won’t last long) and the lady wanted to go for a walk. But more on that later.

The patch was on my right bicep today. I got the same achy feeling in my lower right arm bones that I experienced yesterday. Hopefully this will go away. It’s not really painful, just an annoyance.

I smoked a lot less today… only five cigarettes. Pretty good, I’d say. I think it helped that I spent a big chunk of my evening hanging out with the lady. We went for a walk by the Scioto and then to DSW to look for some new work shoes for each of us. After that, it was dinner at Whole Foods Market. We had their special of the day: scallops, shrimp, calamari, and something that was ring-shaped all on some kind of fucilli pasta in a white wine sauce. It was great, despite the calamari. Then we got some gelato and sorbet and walked around the store for a while.

All of that managed to keep me busy and I don’t think I thought about cigarettes once, except for when I noticed the patch poking out from the bottom of my t-shirt sleeve. I’ll have to remember to keep it higher up on my arm when I am wearing short sleeves.

I didn’t sign up for the Committed Quitters website yet, but maybe on Day 3?

I’ve completed one day on the patch and it feels great! I haven’t had any allergic reactions or rashes where it was placed on my skin yesterday. I did, however, feel some pain in my left arm (which is where the patch was placed) deep down in the bone. We’ll have to see if it happens again on Day 2.

My urge to smoke was greatly decreased yesterday. I don’t know if this was caused by the patch or the psychological effects of starting the patch. Whatever it is, it feels good.

I had some wicked nightmares last night. I kept the patch on when I went to bed, so I’ll be taking it off after Day 2. I didn’t have any dreams about cigarettes like some people have experienced, just dreams about my throat being crushed. That’s the only one I remember. Crazy, huh?

I meant to sign up at Committed Quitters, but I ran out of time. We’ll see if I can get that accomplished during Day 2.